Citadel Securities: The Shadiest Hedge Fund Since Bernie Madoff?

Well, well, well, what do we have here? The Citadel Securities and Hedge Fund? Sounds like a fun place to be, doesn't it? I mean, they're always in the news, talking about how great their business is doing. It must be exciting to work for a company that's making headlines all the time. But wait a minute, what's this I hear? They're not actually doing so well? How can that be? Let's take a closer look.

It turns out that Citadel, the parent company, owns a bunch of subsidiary companies that buy and sell US treasuries to each other. Wait a minute, that sounds fishy. Why would they do that? Oh, I see, when they do the accounting for each subsidiary company, they don't disclose all the information. Well, that's just fraud. But hey, they're covering each other's books, so it's all good, right? Wrong. They've been hiding the transactions for years, and they're the new Enron. I mean, who needs to actually make money when you can just fake it?

But that's not all. They have over 60 billion in securities sold, not yet purchased. That's a lot of money just floating out there. And then they had to take a 600-million-dollar loan. Wow, that's a lot of dough. But that's not even the best part. They took outside investment for the first time in history, with Sequoia Capital and Paradigm's $1.15 billion investment. I mean, who needs to make money when you can just get someone else to invest in your sinking ship?

But wait, it gets even better. They're potentially bribing politicians, like Janet Yellen, the Treasury Secretary. They paid her 810,000 dollars in speaking fees, which is very strange. I mean, who wouldn't pay that much for a speech? Maybe she has some secrets of her own.

And let's not forget how they potentially manipulated the price of AMC in January 2021. According to reports, they created over 3 billion in shares that don't even exist to tank the price of AMC and GameStop. Talk about playing dirty. And they bailed out Melvin Capital because it would have likely caused a domino effect and caused multiple bankruptcies across Wall Street. I mean, who needs competition when you can just buy them out?

And let's not forget about the court documents that showed Citadel demanded for Robin Hood to remove the buy button. I mean, who needs a fair market when you can just control the game? And their CEO, Ken Griffin, isn't getting charged for anything. I mean, why would he? He's likely bribing politicians using donations. I mean, just look at those donations:

• GRIFFIN, KENNETH C ,CHICAGO, IL, $2,000,000, October 28, 2020, Senate Leadership Fund
• GRIFFIN, KENNETH C, CHICAGO, IL ,$5,000,000, October 14, 2020,Senate Leadership Fund
• GRIFFIN, KENNETH C,CHICAGO, IL,$5,000,000,September 3, 2020,Senate Leadership Fund
• GRIFFIN, KENNETH C, CHICAGO, IL, $10,000,000, November 12, 2020, Senate Leadership Fund
• GRIFFIN, KENNETH C, CHICAGO, IL, $15,000,000, September 23, 2020, Senate Leadership Fund

I mean, come on, those donations are just a drop in the bucket for him. And when people tried to look into his shady practices, the other senators were like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, do you know who you're messing with? That's our best donor!" It's like the Senate is running some sort of bizarre money-laundering scheme, where the politicians are the dry cleaners, and the donors are the dirty socks. But hey, as long as everyone's making a profit, who cares if it's at the expense of the little guy, am I right? It's the American way!

Ah, the conclusion! The moment we've all been waiting for.

In conclusion, it's clear that Citadel Securities and their hedge fund buddies have been up to no good. They've been manipulating the market, hiding losses, and potentially bribing politicians to keep their shady practices under wraps.

But you know what they say: "Money talks, and bullsh*t walks." And when you have as much money as Ken Griffin and his cronies, you can pretty much get away with anything.

So, what can we do about it? Well, we could try to hold these guys accountable, but that seems like a lot of work. Plus, let's be honest, it's way more fun to just sit back and watch the chaos unfold.

After all, it's not every day that you get to witness the downfall of a new Enron. So let's grab some popcorn, kick up our feet, and enjoy the show.

Just remember when it comes to Citadel Securities, always read between the lines (or in this case, the subsidiary companies). And if you happen to run into Ken Griffin, maybe ask him to spare a dime or two. After all, he's got plenty to spare.

Thanks for tuning in, folks. Until next time, this is Investorturf signing off with a wink and a smile.

Follow @Investorturf